A friend of mine posted this on her journal the other day, and it's so amusing and witty that I just had to repost it here. She had all the good quotes excerpted, so, with her permission I'm just copying her entire post:

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It's excerpts from "The Old Librarian Almanack," a satirical book on how to run a library, written in 1909.
Some of my favorite quotes:

On whom one should allow to enter a library:

Be suspicious of Women. They are given to the Reading of frivolous Romances, and at all events, their presence in a Library adds little to (if it does not, indeed, detract from) that aspect of gravity, Seriousness and Learning which is its greatest Glory. You will make no error in excluding them altogether, even though by that Act it befall that you should prohibit from entering some one of those Excellent Females who are distinguished by their Wit and Learning. There is little Chance that You or I, Sir, will ever see such an One.

On the thievery of library books:

"And what Condemnation shall befit the accurst Wretch (for he cannot justly claim the title of Man) who pilfers and purloins for his own selfish ends such a precious article as a Book? I am reminded of the Warning display'd in the Library of the Popish Monastery of San Pedro at Barcelona.

"The Warning reads thus: 'For him that stealeth a Book from this Library, let it change to a Serpent in his hand and rend him. Let him be struck with Palsy, and all his Members blasted. Let him languish in Pain, crying aloud for Mercy and let there be no surcease to his Agony till he sink to Dissolution. Let Book-worms gnaw his Entrails in token of the Worm that dieth not, and when at last he goeth to his final Punishment let the Flames of Hell consume him for ever and aye.'"

On the day-to-day library operations.

Keep your books behind stout Gratings, and in no wise let any Persons come at them to take them from the Shelf except yourself.